Don't Burn the House Down.

Okay kids, just popping off to Boston for a couple of days. There's something on in the TD Garden I would rather like to catch, though the name escapes me at the moment. Check in next week. Buddy love xx

Hollywood Matters

I am going to start making a log of Matt Striker's intertextual references to films. The man has been on fire recently, and it's all very hilarious.

PS/ Any mention of 'The Chaperone' does not count.

Whodunnit?

Poor old Teddy Long. 'Blunt trauma to the back of the head' sure has a vicious ring to it. I fear the culprit who attacked our dearly beloved Smackdown GM may take a while to reveal themselves however, and everyone's looking in the general direction of the new CORRE. I'm hoping there's an acronym in there somewhere, as the extra R seems a tad redundant. Cocky Operatives Recently Raw Expelled? No, probably not. Still, they've gone and denied it and their intentions to aid the lovely (ahem) Vickie seemed genuine. So who is it that's gone and hospitalised our very own top playa? Here are some hypotheses on the matter, while my little grey cells are awake...

* There are a lot of Raw/Smackdown crossovers going on at the moment, so it might be a shady figure working with or for the anonymous Raw GM. You know, just to cement his imminent revelation as 'kind of a big deal'.

* As Cole alluded to, in a rare moment of clarity (before resuming total cowardice), Vickie may have something to gain from taking Teddy out. She's gotten a little used to the taste of power in the last few weeks, and her blinding lust for Dolph might be driving her towards violent tendencies. All hail Dark Vickie?

* It's a well loved babyface superstar turning heel. What a way to go.

Okay, so they're not exactly mind boggling or controversial, but hey, I couldn't just turn around and say 'It's Vince reclaiming his top spot' or something equally ridiculous.

Wait a minute...that would be cool.

Where have I been?

The Hardy's have re-united in TNA. Missed that one.

RAW-yal Rumble Rumours

WHAT A RAW! I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed myself. Cena was on top form in the opening promo, trading jibes back and forth with The Miz and everyone was a little overexcited. Bless.

- John Morrison and Daniel Bryan made everyone else look bad.
- The Bella's maintain that they are a bit strumpety. A hair pulling match is probably on the cards. Oh goody, won't we all be looking forward to that.
- For one second it looked like Batista had returned to join the Nexus, but the absence of tattoos made us all look twice. Sources indicate that it's this rather startling chap ...

http://www.gladiatorszone.co.uk/gladiators/new/male/goliath

...which is awesome because it means that:

A: there are probably going to be some border straddling UK rivalries worked into the storylines at some point this year (Drew vs Wade vs Sheamus vs Barri), which will obviously only help national sentiments towards one another.
B: my friend gets to say that she went to school with this guy.
C: they are probably going to have to add a subtitle track to every wrestling programme from here on out.

We also discovered that it's going to be a forty man rumble this year. I might have done a little dance Too Cool style round my living room, but that would be telling.

PS/ I forgot to mention this the other week, but it was hilarious, so kudos to the commentary team for referring to something terrible by saying, 'That was Shockmaster bad'. EL OH EL.

And the Lord said 'Let There Be Smackdown'...and there was.

- I find it astounding how familiar Matt Striker is with classic cars. I know the man has an encyclopedic knowledge of move sets , specials and lockdowns, but crikey, you'd think he was reading this stuff of a piece of paper or something.

- MYSTERY SOLVED: Skip Sheffield swapped places with Ezekiel Jackson.

- Beth Phoenix is wasted in the Divas division.

- It's nice to see Wade Barrett smiling a bit more.

- That Trent Barreta chap looks like a promising addition to the high flyers roster.

- Edge has the most fabulous head of hair of anyone alive in the world today.

Preparation (Triple) H

Fifteen days 'til the Rumble boys and girls! Get your hypotheses on surprises of the evening out now. My list includes Bob Backlund, largely because I want to see my friend's horrified face scream ''NOOOOOOOO'' Revenge of the Sith style, and something along the lines of a Rhodes face-off. Any of the clan will do. Double word score for Dustin and Cody appearing together and being forced to battle it out. Preferably with some homosexual intonation (not toward each other) to really get that liberal crowd going. I'm hoping the big flappy hands and say 'oh my golly' moment will have something to do with Triple H, Jericho or the anonymous Raw GM, because they are OBVIOUSLY not saving that little nugget of gold for Wrestlemania. Unlikely appearances to be made by: Jeff Hardy, Chyna, Rikishi (highly embarrassing his sons...''Daaaaad, not the thong, that's so inappropriate'' etc) or Stephanie McMahon.

One ponder for the evening.

I wonder what would happen if Shane O'Mac was the president of everything?

0123 HOURS

Yes, that's what time it is here and I should be in bed. But I'm a grown up and can do whatever the hell I want. Like drink my housemate's silly pink wine and sum up my feelings about RAW on Monday, the only 10th of January this year...

* Vocal - Altogether now ''Ahh! Ahh! I think I'm cute...etc etc''
* Not surprised - Shawn Michaels is being inducted into the Hall of Fame this year.
* Mildly amused - Shawn Michaels superkicks Alberto del Rio right in those well maintained teeth.
* Mildly traumatised - because I didn't think threatening suicide was PG-13 approved viewing, CM Punk.
* Mildly attracted - to CM Punk.
* Confused - what did happen to Skip Sheffield? Did he implode under his own quadropedical biceptories? (not scientifically accurate).
* Hopeful - that Justin Gabriel will branch out on his own now and have a super rivalry with Evan Bourne. High flyers a-go-go!
* Slightly disturbed - by the size of Randy Orton's thighs in proportion to the rest of his body.
* Wishful - why can't there be a decent tag team division?
* Irritated - shut up Cole.

That seems to be all for now.

SOUL SEARCHING

As I recently discovered, when brutally interrogated on a night out (read: quiet evening in), Rey Mysterio (Jnr) is my joint third favourite wrestler. He lives next to Mick Foley and his garden backs onto Number 2) Chris Jericho who persistently hits the fence of Number 1) The Undertaker, with sticks. Probably on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard.

Possible reasons:

- Mysterio is small, bouncy and looks like a puppy when he takes his mask off.
- Mick Foley's face makes me happy.
- Undertaker is the ultimate almagamation of showman, badass and resilient immortal being.
- It's Chris 'effing' Jericho.

But, enough about me.

THE LONGEST RUNNING WEEKLY PRIMETIME EPISODIC BLOG IN HISTORY!

So while that title might be a tiny bit of an exaggeration, I do extend a very warm welcome to you: new internet friend. This little thing we've got going on here is just a small facsimile of a passion brought upon me, I'm sure, by parental issues. So here goes the confession (and I suppose, the point of all this):

I love wrestling. And I am not afraid (of you, I swear).

I want to share these inner thoughts with you (new super BFF), because I feel the female fan community has been left a tad wanting in recent years, subjected to the silly jibes of heels and the misinformed populace. Don't get me wrong, I love screaming incessantly when there's a hot bodded studly gent in the room (in any capacity), I'd just rather he was performing a corkscrew moonsault while I rip my vocal chords in his honour, as opposed to him successfully performing the fairly minor achievement of 'man taking his shirt off'. Yes, yes, this is all very nice, I hear you say, and while I myself balked at the idea of creating a female fan blog (eugh), I just felt moved to prove that some of us big lame girlies are actually, you know, 'INTO IT'. In essence, I don't want to be counted out as another statistic sucking, purple-donning, rooting-tooting-saluting Cena lover who's only goal is to pop out an equally dumb, poster child worshipping sprog with no respet for the Attitude era.
Ahhhh pipe dreams...

Join me won't you.

PS/ those of you whom I have not just alienated, I'm sure will be riled up at some point. I actively encourage healthy, sensible and well punctuated debate.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT HATE JOHN CENA AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT.