Dear Saint Mick,
All I want for Christmas is that holiday jumper Goldust was wearing on the Smackdown special. Thanks.
GTFO.
Showing posts with label smack talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smack talk. Show all posts
5.12.11
22.3.11
Showdowns and Rawhides
Top eleven-ish things we've learnt this week...
1. Trish Stratus wears teeny tiny undercrackers (nice work cameraman #3) and her and JoMo are probably doing it (WILD SPECULATION AFOOT).
2. Dolph Ziggler continues to be absolutely hilarious and brilliant (see right --->)
3. It is important to always have the mute button ready whenever Michael Cole appears on screen, let alone when he repeats what he's saying several thousand times. In a row. Loudly.
4. Sheamus seems to think it's awfully amusing that an Irish man has ownership of the United States championship. Daniel Bryan doesn't.
5. Sin Cara is going to be super fantastic and everyone thinks so because he's got a very nice, newly emblazoned name promo.
6. Ted DiBiase doesn't deserve to be used as a punching bag.
7. Cody Rhodes doesn't bother with tights anymore, because he's got towelie for company.
8. Randy Orton has a very large tour bus and a very tiny wife.
9. Punk gives great skit.
10. Josh Matthews was afflicted with laryngitis and/or asleep for all of Smackdown apart from the steel cage match where he woke up and gave 110% like the little trooper he is.
11. Everyone seems to have forgotten a) what brand they are assigned to and b) that Undertaker already beat Triple H ten years ago. But a little hell up near Mania time is okay I expect.
12 days kids. Hope you've got your parties planned.
1. Trish Stratus wears teeny tiny undercrackers (nice work cameraman #3) and her and JoMo are probably doing it (WILD SPECULATION AFOOT).
2. Dolph Ziggler continues to be absolutely hilarious and brilliant (see right --->)
3. It is important to always have the mute button ready whenever Michael Cole appears on screen, let alone when he repeats what he's saying several thousand times. In a row. Loudly.
4. Sheamus seems to think it's awfully amusing that an Irish man has ownership of the United States championship. Daniel Bryan doesn't.
5. Sin Cara is going to be super fantastic and everyone thinks so because he's got a very nice, newly emblazoned name promo.
6. Ted DiBiase doesn't deserve to be used as a punching bag.
7. Cody Rhodes doesn't bother with tights anymore, because he's got towelie for company.
8. Randy Orton has a very large tour bus and a very tiny wife.
9. Punk gives great skit.
10. Josh Matthews was afflicted with laryngitis and/or asleep for all of Smackdown apart from the steel cage match where he woke up and gave 110% like the little trooper he is.
11. Everyone seems to have forgotten a) what brand they are assigned to and b) that Undertaker already beat Triple H ten years ago. But a little hell up near Mania time is okay I expect.
12 days kids. Hope you've got your parties planned.
15.3.11
Blasting The Cole Face
Apologies for going a bit AWOL in the last couple of weeks folks. Family matters of a strictly Canadian nature took over and I've had to catch up on my fightin' fix over the last couple of days. Of the twenty minutes of Raw I did catch whilst avoiding the moose and moguls, that angry bald chap Steve appeared and mussed up some of Michael Cole's business, so that was nice.
Speaking of family (and awfully contrived segues) and to add another tasty layer to our Attitude/Millennium Era trifle, what a Sexay surprise greeted us on Raw this past week. For all the good it did Bryan Christopher (aka. Lawler Jnr.) to show up and express his daddy issues via Cole's taunting, the man did whip out those funky dance maneuvers to one of the best (read: grin inducing) entrance themes of the past ever. Banging it indeed.
On the other side of a child welfare case, we got to see the ever-so-blonde-still American Dream Dusty Rhodes supporting his son's obvious insanity by helping him smash up Rey's face. I worry about that family. I really do.
Speaking of Cole, and I'll keep this brief because the man is literally beginning to bare down on my psyche, it was a bit much to have him stick that ankle lock to JR (ps. yay! JR!). If the man gets any more hateful he will have to start sleeping in a cell for his own protection. Probably from Justin Roberts. Congratulations to the company for creating such a great villain though, glass case of emotion and all.
Speaking of emotions, a pumped up, p*ssed off Sheamus went ahead and won himself the US title from an on top form (as always) Daniel Bryan. There was a tiny piece of me (by my patella, thanks for asking) that thought our Celtic Warrior might turn face after this losing streak/King of the Ring curse thing, but I think that minor theory got hung out to dry by a big boot to the face and trash talk.
Speaking of curses......Snooki. At Wrestlemania. Yup. That happened.
Speaking of Wrestlemania, someone's been furiously editing a nice lot of promo trails for the ever expanding card. Triple H vs Undertaker should be a slobberknocker fest of the meatiest proportions. Plus, HBK is looking set to make an appearance or two before and at the event. The No Holds Barred stipulation could mean some run ins, but I reckon The Game will want to take out The Phenom by himself. Guts and glory and all that. If this match up is anything near to the calibre of the previous streak extenders, then I am ready to be blown away (like a big purple pinwheel!).
Speaking of streaking, I should mention also that Chris Jericho will be appearing in this year's Dancing with the Stars. I'm pretty sure no-one knows how to react to this just yet. Kudos to The Sun (NOT A MISPRINT) for using the headline 'Break the Waltz Down'. Ace. Let's hope he'll 'Y 2 sashay' his way to victory...
I'm going to wash my mouth out now.
Speaking of family (and awfully contrived segues) and to add another tasty layer to our Attitude/Millennium Era trifle, what a Sexay surprise greeted us on Raw this past week. For all the good it did Bryan Christopher (aka. Lawler Jnr.) to show up and express his daddy issues via Cole's taunting, the man did whip out those funky dance maneuvers to one of the best (read: grin inducing) entrance themes of the past ever. Banging it indeed.
On the other side of a child welfare case, we got to see the ever-so-blonde-still American Dream Dusty Rhodes supporting his son's obvious insanity by helping him smash up Rey's face. I worry about that family. I really do.
Speaking of Cole, and I'll keep this brief because the man is literally beginning to bare down on my psyche, it was a bit much to have him stick that ankle lock to JR (ps. yay! JR!). If the man gets any more hateful he will have to start sleeping in a cell for his own protection. Probably from Justin Roberts. Congratulations to the company for creating such a great villain though, glass case of emotion and all.
Speaking of emotions, a pumped up, p*ssed off Sheamus went ahead and won himself the US title from an on top form (as always) Daniel Bryan. There was a tiny piece of me (by my patella, thanks for asking) that thought our Celtic Warrior might turn face after this losing streak/King of the Ring curse thing, but I think that minor theory got hung out to dry by a big boot to the face and trash talk.
Speaking of curses......Snooki. At Wrestlemania. Yup. That happened.
Speaking of Wrestlemania, someone's been furiously editing a nice lot of promo trails for the ever expanding card. Triple H vs Undertaker should be a slobberknocker fest of the meatiest proportions. Plus, HBK is looking set to make an appearance or two before and at the event. The No Holds Barred stipulation could mean some run ins, but I reckon The Game will want to take out The Phenom by himself. Guts and glory and all that. If this match up is anything near to the calibre of the previous streak extenders, then I am ready to be blown away (like a big purple pinwheel!).
Speaking of streaking, I should mention also that Chris Jericho will be appearing in this year's Dancing with the Stars. I'm pretty sure no-one knows how to react to this just yet. Kudos to The Sun (NOT A MISPRINT) for using the headline 'Break the Waltz Down'. Ace. Let's hope he'll 'Y 2 sashay' his way to victory...
I'm going to wash my mouth out now.
8.2.11
A Raw Recipe
INGREDIENTS
You will need:
- a full line up of faces and heels
- a healthy measure of over-excitement
- a special guest appearance
- several large doses of Elimination Chamber promos
- a quart of blood (preferably of the nose)
- natty pop culture references (mostly Superbowl, if available)
- three cups of funny fan signage
- squirty cream/hairspray/something misty that looks incredibly dramatic on camera
- medium to large facial expressions ranging from sadistic to ecstatic
- a new line of merchandise
- a twist of lime (for decoration)
METHOD:
NOTE: It is vitally important that one adds a pinch of promo at each stage of this recipe.
* Begin by blindsiding audience with Vince McMahon. Pepper in an announcement about a mystery guest host. Leave to stew until next Monday.
* Whip up all your roster into an alarming frenzy - including your announce team. Have Cole mellow into a near bearable human being. Then bring out The Miz utensil.
* Add an unexpected splash of claret to really heat things up.
* Stir up audience sympathies via your Lawler Kingstomatic 2000.
* Use your most recent PPV winner (in new Eagle pants) to deflate those 'that guy shoulda won' rumours.
* Drop in a hint of Taker.
* Throw in some Smackdown mentions for flavour, but remember to remove in two minutes (otherwise they will overpower the formula).
* Parboil Cena until soft. Then immediately cool for a tough but tasty exterior (if this is to your liking).
* Blend. Add zest.
Serves 1 - 80 million fans worldwide (approx)
Enjoy with a frosty one.
You will need:
- a full line up of faces and heels
- a healthy measure of over-excitement
- a special guest appearance
- several large doses of Elimination Chamber promos
- a quart of blood (preferably of the nose)
- natty pop culture references (mostly Superbowl, if available)
- three cups of funny fan signage
- squirty cream/hairspray/something misty that looks incredibly dramatic on camera
- medium to large facial expressions ranging from sadistic to ecstatic
- a new line of merchandise
- a twist of lime (for decoration)
METHOD:
NOTE: It is vitally important that one adds a pinch of promo at each stage of this recipe.
* Begin by blindsiding audience with Vince McMahon. Pepper in an announcement about a mystery guest host. Leave to stew until next Monday.
* Whip up all your roster into an alarming frenzy - including your announce team. Have Cole mellow into a near bearable human being. Then bring out The Miz utensil.
* Add an unexpected splash of claret to really heat things up.
* Stir up audience sympathies via your Lawler Kingstomatic 2000.
* Use your most recent PPV winner (in new Eagle pants) to deflate those 'that guy shoulda won' rumours.
* Drop in a hint of Taker.
* Throw in some Smackdown mentions for flavour, but remember to remove in two minutes (otherwise they will overpower the formula).
* Parboil Cena until soft. Then immediately cool for a tough but tasty exterior (if this is to your liking).
* Blend. Add zest.
Serves 1 - 80 million fans worldwide (approx)
Enjoy with a frosty one.
15.1.11
And the Lord said 'Let There Be Smackdown'...and there was.
- I find it astounding how familiar Matt Striker is with classic cars. I know the man has an encyclopedic knowledge of move sets , specials and lockdowns, but crikey, you'd think he was reading this stuff of a piece of paper or something.
- MYSTERY SOLVED: Skip Sheffield swapped places with Ezekiel Jackson.
- Beth Phoenix is wasted in the Divas division.
- It's nice to see Wade Barrett smiling a bit more.
- That Trent Barreta chap looks like a promising addition to the high flyers roster.
- Edge has the most fabulous head of hair of anyone alive in the world today.
- MYSTERY SOLVED: Skip Sheffield swapped places with Ezekiel Jackson.
- Beth Phoenix is wasted in the Divas division.
- It's nice to see Wade Barrett smiling a bit more.
- That Trent Barreta chap looks like a promising addition to the high flyers roster.
- Edge has the most fabulous head of hair of anyone alive in the world today.
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