Showing posts with label monday night delight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monday night delight. Show all posts

8.4.12

We'RAW'll In This Together

RAW 2nd April 2012

To sum up concisely and efficiently...

Punk calls Johnny a 'toolbox' and it has thrown a spanner in the works.

The elusive new beast from the East is Albert with Japanese all over his face. Supposedly, it is important that he has a vice like finisher to match the inevitable threat of Khali's 'Noggin Crusher' or 'Skull Chop' or whatever.

A-Ry go bye-bye.

Brodus Clay is not only the funkiest, but also the funniest thing on television.

Jack Swagger is just one of the many who got new ring attire for Wrestlemania. Though, no-one else's makes them look quite so much like a hammerhead shark.


Eve is eve-il now. And 'Ho-ski' chants may feed into the misogyny of the WWE universe, but they're funny as hell.

Between The Rock and Laurinaitis, some things were mentioned about the importance of people. No-one seems to have realised that this might prove contradictory in the long term.

Roberto Rodriguez has been working on the length of Alberto del Rio's opening. I realise what I just typed could be seen as being very rude, but I'm going to leave it like that anyway.

Jericho is still trying to force feed Punk alcohol and I have yet to see anyone rocking THIS SHIRT.

The love for Daniel Bryan is life-affirming. Oh yes, yes, yes it is.

And finally...BROCK F-5inG LESNAR.


3.1.12

Fast and Furious We Ride the Universe.

Just so you know, the noise was sort of like a...

''SCreeeeeeeAAARRAARRRRGGHHHHHohmygodit'sjerichoohmygodit'sreallyhimaaaaAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHYESYESYESYESYES!!''

If you've ever seen that video of the kid getting an N64, you'll know how I felt.

I just scared the cat. He looks pissed.

So...It Begins

At this precise moment I am being a bit of a naughty noodle, as I am in the office (yes, I AM fancy) and should be doing important office-y things. I must state however, that I am currently in a constant state of hyper-panic due to my job involving lots of internet face time and not having yet watched yesterdays Raw. I realise I have been a bit of a slow-loris on the whole posting front of late, but I have been too busy marking out over the current title holders after TLC and other such excellent events. Also, I apologise to no man. Only to my mother. Frequently. Anyway, if the mystery man turns out to be Jericho, I will attach a link to a sound clip of how my voice sounded at the exact moment of the announcement. I hope tinnitus doesn't run in your family.

Happy New Year. The world ends with you.

23.11.11

You Either Surf Or You Fight

Now, I'm not one to question things too often, largely because asking 'why' like a curious yet impertinent child every ten seconds tends to lead to being smacked round the leggies and means no sweeties for a week. However, I feel that for the sanity of everyone watching current WWE programming, I should question why they feel the need to refer to a particular bird-themed social media outlet every seven minutes. I understand that it's important to utilise modern technology, sure. I even understand why they've used Cole as 'Loudmouth Chief of the Twits' but for the love of Godfather, is it really necessary to harp on about what's trending (not sure if actual word) at every opportunity? That said, I think I've got a pretty good handle on the matter and though I really don't want to brag, I have noticed a direct correlation between 'trending topics' and 'whoever the person currently on my screen is'. Take that rocket science. I am a #genius.

Though the words 'Mick Foley' and 'disappointed' should never ever appear in the same sentence together, I must say the re-introduction of our favourite hardcore legend on the Raw Special seemed a little like it had been left out in the rain, far from home and hungry. Generally speaking, being hastily interviewed by a sartorially skewed (read: questionable tank top), yet beaming Matt Striker and later having to repeat a not-so-fantastic-the-first-time-round segment in which approximately no-one is having a good time is not the way I would have had at it. At least the promo team had a little less work to do this week as I'm pretty sure the instructions for the This Is Your Life video segment read: run John Cena Experience DVD. In any case, the Rock got a good pop for ending the bloody thing and looked like a total badass, which I suppose was the whole point. Marks to Cena for allowing himself to be ribbed and gain even more heat in the run up to Survivor Series. Also, because he kind of giggled when Rocky dropped Foley in the middle of the ring.

I see a lot of people have got their new Winter coats, and am glad that no-one seems to be wearing anything remotely fashionable, thus are thoroughly in keeping with wrestling tradition. King's t-shirts and Otunga's bow-ties get honourable mentions on account of their godawfulness. Zack Ryder's New York pants on the other hand, are absolutley inspired, and given that there are few people sensational enough to sport the Statue of Liberty so close to their derriers, suit him down to a T (or should that be Z). Barrett also has some rather excellent blue tights, with a logo that incorporates both a 'B' and an anchor. Hmm...a comment on current socio/political climates perhaps. It would work to his advantage as a heel... ''I'm a naughty banker...wuugghh''...I could see that. Thank heavens they didn't go with the 'W' and the anchor *Titter*
I really shouldn't mock the man (though he makes it so easy when making Charlie Sheen references 6 months too late) because he is so darned impressive at the moment. One to watch in the next few years, you mark my words. MARK THEM!!

In Diva news...
- the Bella's continue to act like role models to young girls by putting their breasts about in the genral vicinity of Alberto Del Rio.
- roll-up pinning combos: Natalya and Beth's only weakness!
- Alicia Fox has a furry hat!
- Kelly Kelly was in Maxim and it is entirely appropriate to PG programming to show her getting all sexy with a car in her pants! (Also on this point: it's apparently fine to say 'mangina' around impressionable youngsters).
- Kaitlyn shows a little promise.
- AJ is made of pipe cleaners, which is the only way to explain how her body survived that horrific sharpshooter.
- Aksana got Teddy Long all hot under the collar with a selction of euphemisms that were about as subtle as 'Do Me'.

Ricardo Rodriguez is a really superb valet and I hope he sticks around for a good long while. Even if he doesn't stay with Del Rio, though he seems very content as the put-upon announcer, he's got a sort of likeability (like a pet that still loves you even though you've kicked it a lot) that could lead on to great things for him. I might be a bit biased, but I like the idea of managers and valets a lot. It harks back to that mystical 'old school' we all dream about and can sometimes add an extra dimension to characters and storylines. Take Vickie, for example. Still going strong despite having to have her vocal chords replaced evey third appearance. That said, and not wanting to back track, I really would love it if Ziggler had some more mic time. He really is that damn good.

I'm very aware that I haven't mentioned one Mr Mark Henry much in the last few months. I've done a bit of a U-turn on my feelings about the chap and have got to say I'm pretty won over by his run as Heavyweight champ. He's worked hard for a long time, has kept his character tight and been great in the ring with a lot of different guys. The Daniel Bryan (now with extra beard!) match was unexpectedly entertaining (though I thought Big Show was going to turn heel for a split second) and the Sheamus matches were pretty good. I really like that Henry is hanging onto the title at any cost, even going so far as to get himself disqualified at Survivor Series, but he's determined and massive and scary and those three things together make for some good watching. Barricade smash! Ring smash! Big Show smash! SMAAAASH!

I think we can all safely say that Mason Ryan enjoys seeing how far he can throw people-shaped things.

Cody Rhodes is fixed in the face but not in the brain. Some say he has been 'e-mask-ulated' by Orton *chuckle*

Given Sin Cara's injury at Survivor Series, I reckon the WWE might be kicking themselves a bit for revealing Hunico's identity so soon. They absolutley could have kept the doppelganger angle going a little bit longer. Interesting how Hunico's style has altered pretty dramatically since shedding the lucha togs. Not sure how to feel about this guy yet.

No-one in the crowd of Raw knew who or what Bull Buchanan was and made me feel old and want to ring up my equally aged friends to ensure I didn't make him up.

Christian would look funnier if he had one of those cones around his neck that you use on animals when they're not supposed to lick their stitches. Just saying.

The anti-bullying campaign 'BA Star' is being executed in such a professional way that you wouldn't even think twice about Cole's continual mocking of JR as just a bunch of fat jokes.

Well, Dwayne proved he's still got it, Punk won the WWE title, Truth shows no fondess for pigeons and apparently there's a new video game out. That reminds me, I reckon I could make a heck of an accurate Vickie G in the Smackdown! Know Your Role character creation. I think that about wraps everything up in a schoolboy nicely.

Don't forget to check this little tidbit out for a slice of anticipation...

It Begins...


Awesome.

15.3.11

Blasting The Cole Face

Apologies for going a bit AWOL in the last couple of weeks folks. Family matters of a strictly Canadian nature took over and I've had to catch up on my fightin' fix over the last couple of days. Of the twenty minutes of Raw I did catch whilst avoiding the moose and moguls, that angry bald chap Steve appeared and mussed up some of Michael Cole's business, so that was nice.

Speaking of family (and awfully contrived segues) and to add another tasty layer to our Attitude/Millennium Era trifle, what a Sexay surprise greeted us on Raw this past week. For all the good it did Bryan Christopher (aka. Lawler Jnr.) to show up and express his daddy issues via Cole's taunting, the man did whip out those funky dance maneuvers to one of the best (read: grin inducing) entrance themes of the past ever. Banging it indeed.
On the other side of a child welfare case, we got to see the ever-so-blonde-still American Dream Dusty Rhodes supporting his son's obvious insanity by helping him smash up Rey's face. I worry about that family. I really do.

Speaking of Cole, and I'll keep this brief because the man is literally beginning to bare down on my psyche, it was a bit much to have him stick that ankle lock to JR (ps. yay! JR!). If the man gets any more hateful he will have to start sleeping in a cell for his own protection. Probably from Justin Roberts. Congratulations to the company for creating such a great villain though, glass case of emotion and all.

Speaking of emotions, a pumped up, p*ssed off Sheamus went ahead and won himself the US title from an on top form (as always) Daniel Bryan. There was a tiny piece of me (by my patella, thanks for asking) that thought our Celtic Warrior might turn face after this losing streak/King of the Ring curse thing, but I think that minor theory got hung out to dry by a big boot to the face and trash talk.

Speaking of curses......Snooki. At Wrestlemania. Yup. That happened.

Speaking of Wrestlemania, someone's been furiously editing a nice lot of promo trails for the ever expanding card. Triple H vs Undertaker should be a slobberknocker fest of the meatiest proportions. Plus, HBK is looking set to make an appearance or two before and at the event. The No Holds Barred stipulation could mean some run ins, but I reckon The Game will want to take out The Phenom by himself. Guts and glory and all that. If this match up is anything near to the calibre of the previous streak extenders, then I am ready to be blown away (like a big purple pinwheel!).

Speaking of streaking, I should mention also that Chris Jericho will be appearing in this year's Dancing with the Stars. I'm pretty sure no-one knows how to react to this just yet. Kudos to The Sun (NOT A MISPRINT) for using the headline 'Break the Waltz Down'. Ace. Let's hope he'll 'Y 2 sashay' his way to victory...

I'm going to wash my mouth out now.

15.2.11

Well Blow Me Smack-Down!

Well, this was going to be a rather weighty post concerning the nature of our twice weekly sports entertainment shows, but something tells me all that would be a little redundant in the face of the closing events of Monday Night Raw. If you've been sitting under a rock (nudgenudge winkwink) this is what happened....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLi3mHUVGNQ

(WARNING: THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU THIS WEEK)

...and now I can't sit still.

PS/ He's about to get all up in Cena's bid-ness.

Everything will resume as normal once I've calmed down a bit.

8.2.11

A Raw Recipe

INGREDIENTS
You will need:

- a full line up of faces and heels
- a healthy measure of over-excitement
- a special guest appearance
- several large doses of Elimination Chamber promos
- a quart of blood (preferably of the nose)
- natty pop culture references (mostly Superbowl, if available)
- three cups of funny fan signage
- squirty cream/hairspray/something misty that looks incredibly dramatic on camera
- medium to large facial expressions ranging from sadistic to ecstatic
- a new line of merchandise
- a twist of lime (for decoration)

METHOD:

NOTE: It is vitally important that one adds a pinch of promo at each stage of this recipe.

* Begin by blindsiding audience with Vince McMahon. Pepper in an announcement about a mystery guest host. Leave to stew until next Monday.
* Whip up all your roster into an alarming frenzy - including your announce team. Have Cole mellow into a near bearable human being. Then bring out The Miz utensil.
* Add an unexpected splash of claret to really heat things up.
* Stir up audience sympathies via your Lawler Kingstomatic 2000.
* Use your most recent PPV winner (in new Eagle pants) to deflate those 'that guy shoulda won' rumours.
* Drop in a hint of Taker.
* Throw in some Smackdown mentions for flavour, but remember to remove in two minutes (otherwise they will overpower the formula).
* Parboil Cena until soft. Then immediately cool for a tough but tasty exterior (if this is to your liking).
* Blend. Add zest.

Serves 1 - 80 million fans worldwide (approx)

Enjoy with a frosty one.

7.2.11

A Weeks Worth of Wonders

Well hey, when did February happen?! As you are all aware by now, the Royal Rumbled and by golly it was a good 'un. We at GTFO HQ (NOT the cupboard under the stairs) have been chanting 'DIESEL' for days now. Let's hope he sticks around for a bit.
As everything's a little laggy in my system still, we've got some Raw/Smackdowny things to catch up on. But, it mostly concerns how flipping awesome it is that Alberto Del Rio won that prestigious title shot at Wrestlemania. Three months in the company and you get the push of a lifetime. We heard one guy refer to him as 'the Mexican Kurt Angle' and if that little sliver of info's anything to go by, we've just been privy to the start of an illustrious career. I guess Fate does have her finger in all the pies.

And God knows we like pies.

It was a bit of a shame one of the big three didn't return to the fold (Jericho/Undertaker/Triple H) during the nights festivities, but we did have a sneaky little peaky at a 'Taker trail on the following Raw (build to 'Mania, get excited). It was a strange episode for the remainder though. Vickie's head must still be spinning from that KellyKelly knockdown. LOVED the Ziggler/Edge opener by the way, cause I know you asked. But honestly, the handicap title match?!? We kinda knew as soon as VG announced the 'no mo' spear ex-hubby' rule, it was pretty much a given that Barbie (Ziggler's words, not mine) was going to drive that finisher home. And since Alberto's going after the Heavyweight title, they might drop the whole angle soon anyhow. There's a bit of me that's hoping they're promoting the Divas so there's a definitive split when the Women's division gets re-instated (come on Kong/Beth/Natalya/Tamina), but this will probably only happen in my mind. In there, it kicks ass.

Although I am a mature and super important growed up, I did chuckle at Hornswoggle thwopping Del Rio in the 'nads with a big party stick. There, I said it. The guy gets double cool points since he gave an AA to Tyson Kid at the Rumble too. For the record: if I don't get a Wrestlemania Pinata at my next birthday party, it's going to be tantrum central.

Also, and this cannot go unmentioned, Booker's back sucka! Spineroonis now dished out via the announce table: one per team member, three if you're Justin Roberts and none for Cole.


Nash out.